Daddy Blog Confessional

Managing Finances: The Shoebox Method

2009-01-02T15:38:00.002-06:00

A relative turned me on to the "shoebox" method of managing finances... I've labeled shoeboxes for the following:

Current bills
Items to file
Receipts

We'll see if this works to help me keep things on track!

Yep, New Year's Resolution time

2009-01-02T15:20:00.003-06:00

So it's New Year's Resolution time, and I've got a BUNCH... Trying to manage the work/life balance thing while keeping afloat in today's economy... Here's a few of my resolution "categories" and goals:

"Quality of life"
- Get to work promptly, return home promptly every day
- Have 1-2 "date nights" with the wife every month

Finances
- Pay the bills on time; NO Late Fees or annoying calls from companies/creditors
- Bring lunch to work 4+ times a week
- Monitor spending/expenses and stay on budget!

Health
- Work out 3+ days a week
- Walk the dog DAILY

Family
- Be ON TIME for every birthday/occasion. That means mailing cards EARLY!!!
- Send family pictures via e-mail to distant/extended family at least once a month
- Send regular correspondence (e-mail or otherwise) to family to keep in touch

Those are the big ones... Definitely realistic and achievable, I think!

Been on hiatus

2008-11-17T13:52:00.000-06:00

I've been on hiatus for a while -- crazy few months... But now I'm back in action and looking forward to blogging.

A Little Tubby

2008-04-21T07:41:00.001-05:00

I’ve put on a few pounds over recent years. I’m 5’ 11” and I’m probably pushing just about 201.6 lbs. (not that you need the detail, but I need to be accountable). My ideal weight is probably 170-180 lbs. Part of the problem is that my wife is a great cook. The other part is that eating is a fun thing to do, and one of my few outlets at work if I want to have a fun lunch or grab a snack. Simply put, I need to cut back.

I’m going to begin working on a “stealth” regimen. At home, I think my best bet is to downsize my portions. At work, I think my best bet is to hold off on the big lunches and midday treats. I also need to start hitting the gym in my office. It’s free, so there’s no excuse. Here’s my plan:

Walk the dog no fewer than five times a week.
Work out in the office gym at least three times a week.

I’m going to have to start documenting things for my own sake, to get on track. Accountability is key!!!

Plus, I might as well start now before I hit a full-on mid-life crisis.

We Found A Babysitter!

2008-04-14T12:31:00.001-05:00

My in-laws have been great in looking after our daughter. My mother-in-law will take her overnight, and my father-in-law and his wife are great at looking after her during the day when my wife has appointments. But the occasional overnight at my mother-in-law’s falls just a bit short of what we need. So I’m pleased to say we finally found a reliable babysitter! We tried my niece once, but she was a little ambivalent. We had a young teenage cousin look after our daughter, but she’s now working at a real job and disinterested in short-term gigs. What’s awesome about our new babysitter is that she’s great – they do crafts, etc. – and is old enough to drive! There’s no downer like having to drive the babysitter back home after a fun evening, plus you feel a little awkward if you’ve had a drink and smell like a nightclub. Not that you would be unfit to drive, but you would feel unfit.

I think one of the biggest hurdles in marriage is having little time to just hang out together without wrangling a child, even if it’s going to the grocery store or grabbing a coffee. We simply must have an adult outing, even if it’s 2-3 hours.

The one downside to a babysitter over family – the cost. Our babysitter charges $7 a night so it’s quite an investment. Not to mention a little tough to swallow with a well-behaved daughter like ours. So we’ve pledged that if we use a babysitter, it’ll be a cheap but fun night out. We’ll save the big blowouts for when our daughter has an overnight. (And isn’t it such a great feeling when you wake in the morning and don’t have to be a parent??? One time we went out for a late breakfast, read the Sunday New York Times… It was liberating.)

Mother's Day Tip: Red Envelope Promotion Code

2008-04-12T19:23:00.003-05:00

Here's something easy to get started for Mother's Day... Use Promotion Code GIVEGIFTS on Red Envelope by April 14 and save 25% on your order.

There's no excuse now, get started!

The Chaos and Dysfunction of Living Paycheck to Paycheck

2008-04-12T18:07:00.008-05:00

I read an interesting piece on Slate.com, "Rich Men Behaving Badly." One passage made an impression on me:

In his book The Age of Abundance, libertarian author Brink Lindsey boils down the difference between the desperately poor and the blissfully rich to an ability to focus on the long term. "Members of the underclass operate within such narrow time horizons and circles of trust that their lives are plagued by chronic chaos and dysfunction," he says. By contrast, elites are well-organized long-term thinkers.

The piece goes on to point out that many elites can be equally prone to the short term, short gain thinking of the underclass. But they have the benefit of having a chance to think long-term, however.

I think the statement above couldn't be more true when it comes to those of us who are living paycheck to paycheck and struggling to get by. Believe me, I have it much better than many Americans, but how nice it'd be to just pay the bills as they come in the mail!

Mother’s Day Ideas (Part II): Plan the day

2008-04-12T07:58:00.001-05:00

When May arrives, you should have all your gifts & cards purchased. Now you should begin planning the day.

Mother’s Day morning is special. And they put it on a Sunday to make it easy for Dads who have Saturdays off. So there’s no excuse on this one, and you need a gameplan to make the morning right. You may have other family obligations during the day so I suggest an itinerary that allows you to delight her in the morning. I recommend:

First: Bring fresh flowers – with your pre-written cards – into her room. These can be purchased the day before, so buy them on Saturday. If they’re cut flowers, put them in a vase. If it’s a plant/arrangement, even easier.
Second: Serve breakfast in bed. Everyone has varying skills, so I suggest something that can be manageable – a yogurt, fruit & granola parfait and some pastries can be put together quickly. Juice and coffee are a must. Find out something you can buy/prepare in advance and warm up that morning. Maybe an egg dish (if you have the time to prepare covertly) or mini quiches. And use your good glassware for this. Break out a nice wine glass for the juice. Using your kids’ Spongebob glass from the last Burger King promotion won’t cut it.
Last: After you’ve woken her up with a smile, bring in the gifts!

With that game plan, your task in the coming weeks is to do the following:

Find a florist (or a local grocery store that has good flowers).
Plan the menu and your grocery list, and the right places to go for each.
Create a Saturday shopping plan to get it all right.

If you have a solid gameplan in place early, you can take the time to embellish as you get closer to the big day. I’ve also found that many of my best ideas come up at the last minute, but it’s far harder to make those happen if you’re still buying cards and chasing down the basics.

Good luck, and let me know how it goes!

Mother’s Day Is Coming: Time To Have A Gameplan

2008-04-11T10:33:00.003-05:00

It’s already mid-April and not too early to start thinking about Mother’s Day (May 11 for those unaware!). With the myriad of gift-giving occasions – birthdays, anniversaries, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s, Christmas – there is nothing worse than being ill-prepared. Last-minute, hurried choices can often lead to disappointment. Not to mention deep resentment. And if you rush to order something online at the last minute, you will probably be hit with higher shipping costs for faster delivery.

I can’t boast any great performance in this area. In fact, I have been horrible. Especially with the demands of a toddler on the scene (time and money demands) and aspiring to do well at work. But again, that’s part of the challenge of being a Dad today is trying to make good with everyone all the time. When it comes to Mother’s Day, you need to have your eyes on the prize.

One great idea (and start now) is to get a 5x7 or 8x10 envelope and use it to collect gift ideas. Your wife can supply you with cut-outs from catalogues or you can use it to fill with ideas as you go through stores with her. If you have a PDA, use it to note special items when you’re in a store. If you’re like me, you’ll forget it once you leave and then regret it as the next big occasion approaches… I’ve also learned that it doesn’t hurt to go through the envelope occasionally. That Pilates DVD she wanted three years ago may no longer be that special.

So with Mother’s Day approaching, I suggest starting now with a checklist of simple things.

Before April ends:

Buy 1-2 cards from yourself. I suggest one funny, one serious. Nothing is better to give a card in the morning, but delight her with another at some point during the day. Give them some thought and write your note several days before the big day. There’s nothing worse than writing it while she’s in the bathroom on the morning of. I’ve done it before, don’t repeat my mistake. It’s hard to be heartfelt under those circumstances.
Buy card(s) from your kids. Again, have them write them well in advance.
Have the kids make something personal. Depending on your kids’ age, have them prepare a piece of artwork or craft for her. (Believe me, don’t do this the night before the day. You can never get them focused in crunch time!)
Buy/order a romantic gift from you. Although this is “Mother’s” Day, the biggest challenge a woman faces is being viewed more as a Mom than a woman. Buy something that will come from you, which will make her feel like a woman. You can’t go wrong with jewelry, but another idea is Red Envelope. They have some terrific gifts, some of which you can have monogrammed, and a woman always likes to see the red box. And with a little bit of early planning, you can find a deal on shipping or price. (Search for Red Envelope and “Promotion Code” on the Internet and you will likely find one. I got a 10% off coupon as a result.
If appropriate, have your kids buy 1-2 cute things that can be given from them. Again, this should be sentimental and fun but not a surrogate for the more romantic present from you.

Now get started!

Post-Modern Dad

2008-04-10T16:00:00.000-05:00

We’re in an interesting time. With the high cost of childcare, many Moms like my wife are staying at home these days. But at the same time, the job of being a full-time Mom is increasingly – and rightly so – regarded as a “day job.” Dads are expected do more of their share in the evening.

Gone are the days in which the Mom would be at home cleaning the house and preparing dinner, and with the father returning from a long day’s work to have a meal ready, kiss the kids on the forehead and have Mom tuck them in while he reads the evening paper. Dads are being called upon – and rightly so – to carry more of the load in the evening and on weekends.

But I think there are certainly new tensions that arise between this dynamic in which we go back to the more traditional “stay at home Mom” model that also ascribes to some of the responsibilities of a more modern model that borrows from the two-income household approach. For example, Dad not only handles the fatherly duties – full-time wage earner, handyman, etc. – but is still called upon to be more hands-on with the kids, be an attentive and sensitive husband, and handle household chores that fifty years ago would’ve been considered the Mom’s domain. Of course, Mom’s domain in those days may have involved plenty of self-medication coupled with a healthy dose of unhappiness.

I certainly think we’re headed in the right direction as Moms and Dads work to lead more balanced and fair (but not Fox’s “fair & balanced”) lives by sharing the at-home workload. My goal is to try to figure out that balance of being a husband, Dad, and successful in my career. And hopefully share a few ideas to help other Dads do the same.

Where did the time go???

2008-04-09T20:58:00.000-05:00

Here I am, a father in my late 30s with a wife, 4-year old girl, dog, mortgaged to the hilt, 70+ mile commute… What happened???

It really is amazing how completely different my life is compared to 10, or even 5, years ago. But at the same time, with our daughter starting school next year and the fact that we don’t plan to move anytime soon, I anticipate life will begin grinding to a slow crawl as we transition to a lifestyle bound by the school calendar and an itinerary full of activities, birthday parties, etc. It seems like things have gotten out of control since having a baby – too little time, too little sleep, not enough money – I think it’s time to take control.

I should take a step back and introduce myself. I live in the suburbs of Milwaukee, and commute each day to work at a Chicago-area business. The drive can be just over an hour to an hour and a half each way. Probably a little bit longer than many Chicagoans – although many endure quite a commute – but we consider it worth it since we live close to family in Milwaukee and we appreciate the quality of life in a small city. The drive can be a bit of a grind, but I love my job. An iPod and occasional train rides to break up the monotony help.

My wife and I have been married for nearly ten years now. We had a storybook romance – which I can detail in a future posting – and are a perfect match. We bought our first house in the city several years ago and recently moved to the ‘burbs to be in a far better school district. And the reason for needing to move to a new school district – our beautiful daughter, who is entering kindergarten. We are truly blessed to have her in our lives.

We received a parenting magazine recently with an article on “mommy bloggers” and I was intrigued. I began to think about some of the trials and tribulations of trying to balance it all. It inspired me to share my thoughts on being a husband and Dad.